Its Money, honey

Money, money and money !! However saint we may try to become, everything seems to revolve around money. Centuries ago, people wanted money for food and survival. Then they started to fight for more and more of it for "more survival". In recent times, the fight has been for power, prestige, status. This has widened the gap between different class of people and raised the expectations among the people.

Now let us observe what is happening around us. There are various well established companies which serve their customers by their services and products. In a small domain of their own, they are interacting with a set of people called customers and selling them their products and services. Now they are hiring very highly talented people like us (I mean, the IITians) who do market research, acquire the data and analyze it. They write sophisticated programs to predict the behavior of people and then make the strategies to modify customer's behavior in their profit direction. By the pressure of the stockholders, company has to show at least 20% growth in revenue and profit every quarter. Otherwise, like today, stockholders change their interest into some other company which is showing them the profit. Then, the companies try to do everything possible to make their balance sheet in positive. They hire more sophisticated (I mean, talented) people and make more complex programs, diversify into other areas, lay off people if necessary and what not. Now we can see how much choices and freedom we have as customers.

Let us put some thoughts on our government. Even after so much growth story, every time they form the policies, you will find them giving promises of employment, education, health, infrastructure. Every time, our bureaucrats would be struggling to collect taxes as much as possible and then distributing them among poors. But in this process, they are making this gap wider and wider. Leave apart corruption and system failures, our democratic parties
themselves are to blame for the present condition.

Now based on what I can see today, I will draw some conclusions about what can possibly happen in future. In India, more and more people would be demanding the basic needs like food, water, electricity. The pressure would increase for generating employment for large chunk of increasing unskilled and semi-skilled population due to poor quality of education. The service sectors like banking, insurance, IT, health care, hotels and tourism will find new ways to survive and grow and will be biggest contributors to country's economy. There would not be much change in the status of agriculture sector. Its constraints like land inequality, lack of credit, irrigation, power will keep blocking the progress in this sector as are doing for last 60 years and even before that. The industry would keep making products for the rich and the middle class with more automation and labor cutting. There would be more consultant companies than actual producing companies to advise them in devising new strategies to retain their customers in increasing cut-throat competitive markets. Problems like terrorism, communalism, security would keep diverting our attention and effort from basic goals. Our politicians would keep making alliances, alleging other party members, giving speeches about progress, development, prosperity. They would increase advertisment in the newspapers about their party agenda but more about other party's mistakes. Caste, religion would be all time favourite classifying parameters but new criterions like region, income level, profession can be used to maxmmize possiblity of getting 51% votes (I am sure, some consultancy companies would be created to advise our politicians to make their strategies in this regard). More people would be travelling larger distances.

More softwares and programs would be developed by our budding engineers to help companies generate more and more profit than the competitor. New devices would be developed to help reduce the effort of our higher class people to zero in everything they do. Everything would happen by the click of a button (Initially for only lucky rich chaps, then others can dream!). Even while sitting in an aeroplane, you would be booking movie tickets, club memebership, doing business deals via video conferencing. New brain sensors would be developed which will sense your desires and give instant solution.

I know that all my imagination mentioned above will sound very much like pessimistic, boring to many. I also know that some will say- Govt. is trying to reduce the widening gap, it can not happen in one year or one decade for that matter. The argument would further go to ask me any suggestions instead of this sharp criticism of the situation that everybody knows.

I do not have many answers or suggestions. But I know one thing- the system under which we all are living is curbing our freedoms more than what was curbed in pre-independence time: freedom to make choices, freedom to live by our methods, freedom to utilize our potential. Our leaders consider serving poor as more their moral and ethical nature than their primary duty and responsibility. They assume that poors and left-outs are selfish, unethical, powerless people who are paying for their own actions (or inactions). The rich are becoming more miserable than ever in terms of their values, in terms of their humanness. The middle class is left to be exploited by our profit minded companies. After seeing all the contemporary events, my convictions has become stronger than ever about the future that I mentioned for our country. I wish I have a single reason to believe that something will change.

The JOB

Today, I got my first job and became an independent person. It feels strange looking back what I accomplished and what I did not. This transition holds a key change in my life and my family's life. Though expectations were high, this global meltdown coupled with my weaknesses forced me to take this job. I do not know whether I am happy or not, but I know one thing clear that I was not giving time to develop myself but was just running here and there. Like others, I was also in hurry to wind up things and hit the jackpot.
After four years at the premier technical institute of India, I have developed many new things in myself but still more or less, I am unchanged, same as was in JEE or school times. The decision of being into mechanical engineering, decision of doing (or not doing) some of the things in four years of college life- there are several decisions that I took for myself and while looking back, I am not able to judge whether they were right or wrong for me.
I think that these four years have taught me more about my limitation than my capabilities. But my mind still does not agree to be defeated and tells me again and again about my capabilities. I could have got a lot lot more in this time, but four years are not too much a time period to conclude anything.
I think that I performed half less than my family's expectations, the thought of which gives me immense pain. I could not think before about how much my decisions and performance affect my family. This meltdown has given me some lessons that I can not forget. What I can hope now is about what is hidden in future.

Friends

As they say, Friends are true assets of any individual. What I am going to do is not to describe that boring narration about friends and their importance in our life but to present some thoughts on our current level of friendship with people around us in our college and professional life.

Due to high stress being given on the skills of working in a team and simultaneously leading a team for getting a job in the campus, we are left to guess what to do about these contradictory skills. I would try to explain this by an example. While working in a group, we complement each others' limitations and put a team effort to get work done. But when it comes to chose a leader, we all tend to bring our strengths and others' limitations in light. All those efforts of identifying a natural leader would be successful when people behave in non-distorted i.e. natural manner. But when everybody is supposed to possess leadership skills (absence of which feels like you are worthless!), you can not blame people who are trying to acquire those skills starting from couple of weeks before the day of interview. And they continuously do this in their career as they go along. This, in my view, affects the type and level of friendship that we possess in our group. We already see few glimpses of this if we carefully see our daily life.

In my college life of about four years, I have come across many people, incidentally friends thanks to hostels. At the cost of sounding like a psycho, I would say that I do not find many meaningful people here who talk sensible things (leave apart doing !). Here we can not appreciate others for their hard work or achievements. Here we can not encourage anyone to do great things. And lastly, here we can not empathize others in their failures and can not raise hope in them. You can argue that it is the professionalism that we need to learn or that it is the skill necessary to handle people and do progress in the real world (I am not sure about why people use the word real so forcefully before everything they say !). When we have made it mandatory requirement, then we can not think about any solutions, or for that matter, any reasons.

I want to keep those people for my whole life who are friendly to me besides being my friends. For rest of them, I worked in a team with them and learned professionalism and leadership skills (I hope, now you understand what I mean.).

game of convincing

These days, I am feeling the need of skill of convincing others. We had 2-3 discussions in which I was unable to express my arguments clearly. I think that the art of convincing is one of the greatest human skill. As there are different people with different perspectives and different levels of understanding and knowledge, most of the discussions become subjective. It becomes a battleground in which everyone considers his/her own views supreme. Then, there is general tendency of deviating from topic and sticking at personal attitudes and feelings. In these conditions, one who is able to streamline all the views with the topic and make a general conclusion based on assumptions of different views and brings out the real point left for discussion is called the winner.
It requires very deep understanding of the topic itself as well as of the different perspectives by which people approach the issue. The arguments when become subjective can only be offset by facts and past cases.

The happening day

Today was a very happening day. Firstly, it was a very stressful day with 8 AM-6:30 PM and just time for lunch in between. Among tasks were classes, income certificate submission, reading for course project, course tutorial, BTP meeting with prof, colloq presentation and class.

From 8-9 AM, there was class of a course Refrigeration and Air-conditioning of which professor is Dr. P.L.Dhar, the most respected person in my eyes. His teaching method, logical reasoning, practical engineering approach, reply with utmost happiness and encouragement to questions or doubts asked and above all, a sense of greatness, simplicity and love, all these are hallmarks of his individuality. Teachers like him only can inspire others. Otherwise, I find most of the teachers blaming us for running after money, narrow attitude, casual approach towards study and all other mistakes and are never satisfied by our work. Freedom is worthless without freedom to make mistakes.

From 9-10 AM, there was class of Technology Alternative for Rural Development and professor of this course Dr. V.M.Chariar. He has very encouraging and out of the box teaching method. He has got a vast knowledge of world events, technology development and current issues and owns a great style of english speaking. There is always a charisma in his talking and teaching. This topic is also close to my heart as it is related Gandhi's thinking. Sometimes, he seems unable to answer with right contents and gets carried away with different style of talking. But overall, he is successful in making this course very interesting.

From 10-11AM, there was class of Production Management and name of professor is Dr. M.S.Kulkarni. He is also very nice teacher with logical arguments and practical examples from his own experiences.

In this class, the most interesting thing happened. One of my nice friend, Mayank Gupta, always keeps doing mischief with me. Today was not a different day. I took his phone and started to read some messages which included his female friend messages. He, out of excitment, challenged me to write I Love You to this girl from his phone. It was very easy task for me. I wrote a message I Love You and tried to send it to her. But I could not send as his phone's functions were not familiar to me. Then he took phone from me asking he would do my work easy. He searched her name and I do not know how, the message was sent inspite of pressing Ok. He was completely in shock(ultimately sin was done from his hands). Then series of events started of writing apology messages and calls.
Below is the series of messages:

Mayank: I Love You

Divya :Hi, how are you? I think tum kisi aur ko message kar rahe the and tumne kar diya mujhe galti se.

Mayank: I am fine. Enjoying life fully here with lot of masti. You tell? waise which message are talking about?

Divya: You messaged me I Love You. I thought that was for someone else. Might that person will be waiting for you message.

Mayank:Sorry, yeh mere ek dost ki shararat hai, use mere cell cheen liya..mujhe abhi pata chala ki usne aisa message kiya hai..I am really sorry for this. Can I call you?

Divya: I am not free. Actually I am in class. I am not angry with you. Just chill yaar. Its Ok with me. Pata hai I was toh very happy. Mujhe laga finally tumne girfriend bana li. Call me when I give you miss call.

Then there was one hour of talk on phone. You can guessed, what would have happened.
He clarified to her that this was his friend (means Me !!) who did mischief with him. Though, she was not that disturbed by that. Actually, she always loved him but he seldom replied her. Anyways, she asked Mayank to give suggestion to me for writing this type of message in more romantic and detailed manner. Guys, I can not forget this suggestion and this whole event.

Another important happening of today was when I met my BTP supervisor with my collegue. He started to tell his sad story of not getting promotion and others getting promotion inspite of doing less work (according to him !!). He also expressed his radical views on worthlessness of IIT, its system, its professors, India, government system and he verified with us the profile of all his rival professors, most rival is our other BTP supervisor. We seemed to be getting pissed off into fight of these two freedom fighters.

The last event is my colloq presentation. I did resonably well with 20 mins presentation, then radical questions of my friends and teacher. It looked a professor was asking illogical questions which now most of the professors do. But it was event of little satisfaction as I was able to speak good english with fluency and answer questions.

It was one of the most happening days of my life.

The change

I was thinking to change myself for a long time. My line of thinking was good in some directions but was very subjective and narrowed in many areas. It is nobody's fault as I have been developed in a very conservative and mixed past. I have phobia of many things that I am not good at like working in practicals and labs, interaction with females, fear of competition and challenging tasks, introvert nature, unclear and too complicated mindset. I am overfilled with emotions and feelings that I find myself deeply attached with everyone I meet or even see. I create fantasies of different kind in which I was trying to influence others with many skills. I am sort of a respect seeking person with high self-dignity.
This was sort of a description of my nature in a negative sense. But there are lots of good things that my eyes can see. But I would not talk about them here as I do not want to change them. To improve upon all my weaknesses and defects. I appreciate the fact that there is no direct formula for improving these and I need to improve them day to day. Everyday should be a challenge for me to identify my mistakes, eliminate the existing ones and develop a quest to become a better individual. This change would come only when I come out of my comfort zone and face the situations that teach me about my mistakes. The more I am involved in activities that brings out my limitations and mistakes, more I would learn.
To end with a positive note, I have started to appreciate importance of people and other things and their influence on me. I now spend more time with myself to know better and enjoy myself.

Dust on my shoes

Today I went to office
wearing my shoes
walking in dust and mud
standing in over-crowded bus
waiting to cross the road
reaching to the office door

then there was dust under my table
somebody asked "Was it on your shoes?"
Oh God! I never noticed it
I tried for an explanation
But I had to give the answer first
I said "yes, my shoes carried this dust."
He was stunned, asked again
"Did your shoes really carry this much dust?"
I nodded without an assuring answer
There was contempt in his eyes

I kept thinking what was wrong with me
Is walking in dust so sinful
for these "neat and clean" offices?
Why do they hide behind this modern world?
Don't they see that our background lay in dust?
Don't they see that our masses lay in dust?
Don't they see that this world is nothing but dust?

I now, try to keep my shoes off the dust
But they always get dirty in it
My life and shoes could not get away from it
Perhaps this is my destiny, the dust.

this stage

In last some days, I have come across the discussion of marriage many times. I do not know what is happening to me and my friends but this stage surely seems marriage stage when we are about to get jobs and bored of talking of girl friends and sex. Now, probably we want to follow an organized way called marriage.
We talk about type of girl we want, her profession, number of kids we want to have(though, in totally non-serious mood), extra-marital relationship and what not. We have also started to think how we are going to spend our money and investment and stuff.
Some are still trying hard for another degree called MBA and others have decided to settle with what they are going to get from here. But I think that many of us have realized their limits at this stage and are trying to accept it in very friendly manner.
For me, I am going to be of 20 years old in few days and it is , I feel, very mature and responsible age where I can decide everything for rest of my life. I had many big dreams about myself when I was teenager. I could not figured out those dreams clearly but only feeling of doing something great, exceptional and most importantly useful to others was there. Now as I was faced by the reality in a very early and lonely stage when one side there is me and other side is whole world, I feel like a very very average person. From the little experience that I have got here, I learned that we need to have one interest or skill for which we can work for whole life. We need to get down to a very very specialized field. I am bothered by the fact that I have not got yet any such type of interest or skill.
Though, going to becoming a mechanical engineer, I know a very very little about it and could not learn much here. So I feel compelled to search for the thing I love doing. There are just too much things for me that I can never get out of them and find my true goal. It is very disappointing at the age of 20 years.

A mighty heart

Yesterday, I saw a movie "A mighty heart" . It looked to me as great movie showing helplessness of human before death, closeness of love and relationship and cruelty present in the world. When I tried to understand the death closely, a feeling of disappointment grew into me like all my hope and desires are shattering away. I started to feel what was important to me leaving everything else behind.
In life, we always see the upper face of everything. Every relation becomes weak with time. We do not see importance of people in our life until we miss them badly. In today's cruel world, we can not live without loving somebody. People around us are the most important assets we could have. I seldom realize that we should express our love and concern in any way that we can to those who are kind to us.
We can dream, hope and desire about many things all the time but today, time has become more precious than ever where there are endless talks about victory, dominance, influence etc. It has become very easy for us to forget the important things that matter to us. We, today, can not waste our time on anything that do not seem to fulfill our desires. But today what we can do best is to express our love to those who care for us.

Shaurya

Yesterday I saw movie "Shaurya". It was indeed a great movie with splendid performance by Rahul Bose. It has tight story, good dialogues and above all, it brings out the sensitive issues from our army. It makes us think about the life of an army officer, war for religion and dominance.

beauty !!!

sun with rays of energy and heat
sky with lighting stars and moon
trees with leaves and morning drops
flowers with intense color and smell
birds with sweet voice and feathers
a farm with green grass and nature
a child with innocent eyes and smile


All seem so beautiful and charming
so pure, and yet so great
keeping our soul and spirit awake
trying to send us a message
to appreciate ourselves and others
to become stable, pure and simple
and yet so great
in the light of our creator.

shame on us !

Today, I got to know that our senior, Sanjay Sahni who contributed towards hostel more than any other, is not getting award on House Day function. Politics is really very bad thing. People do not have eyes to see and heart to respect a person such as him. Although award does not matter, but the so called "stud" people fail to show their respect in any way towards him. He is living in a very difficult situation and yet, devoted with full enthusiasm towards hostel and its activities.

This situation should bring shame on all our seniors.

Leaders, MBAs and their enigmas

One of my friend asked me as did so many others "what are you planning to do next?CAT,GMAT,GRE??" When I said none, he was so disappointed for me that I saw empathy for me in his eyes. Some other day, someone recited "you know, if your english is good, you are on top, man." I am sure he believed, more you speak in GDs and interviews, more your chances are. Listen another friend "yaar, tell me some course jisme attendance fight nahi ho aur grade bhi lag jaaye." I told him about one course that if you do little bit of work, you would get A- without attending much classes. He further asked "Achha yaar, yeh bata. Kya koi aisa course hai jisme bilkul bhi mehnat na karni pade aur A- lag jaaye!".

The reader would have to bear one or two more incidents. One of my colleague told me joyfully "yaar, I designed certificates for their club. The design was so good that I asked one for myself. I got one easily because signature on it was done by my friend in the club in the name of G.Sec. If you need, I can get one for you too." I gave him some cold water as he was tired carrying bundle of certificates. One last incident. My friend asked " yaar jiski Mckinsey mein job lagi hain, uske paas inter-IIT, exchange, aur EDLC tha... mera bhi inter-IIT aur exchange to ho gaya hai to mere chances kitney hain?"

These all incidents have one common cord that we all today share with each other and that is -making fool of each other. Today, every other newspaper has story and analysis of some MBA college placement- average domestic package, highest international salary etc. Oh! Why would not that attract to a young Indian average class man or woman (who always keeps in mind average salary figures, of course). People are convinced by media and their friends that one who does not have leadership skills, does not stand a chance in today's world. Well, if someone of you do not have them, we can feed them to you by spoons. The other option is always there where you can fight for whole of your lifetime to convince others that you have leadership skills. Gandhi did not need to develop leadership skills for his Satyagraha movement.

When we see people fighting with each other for all nonsense, call it posts, certificates, grades by doing maximum fraud that they can, I really doubt about their claim of leadership skills. A artificial leader can be made when we teach him how to stop others from becoming leaders. A leader is governed by knowledge and wisdom , the terms whose meanings we confuse today with smartness.

We live in world where people know very little but dilemma is that they are getting trained to make big by becoming smart, not by knowing more.

politics

I came across politics in last few days. At the end, it was win of right in a sense. Many faces came in their true form. It is sad to see people manipulating so much leaving behind ethics and morals. Some do it for power and influence, some for enjoyment, some for their "political career" and some for money and fame. But they all distort the system that is already distorted due to principle of "majority rules". In the end, some are left crying and some enjoying. But right candidate is seldom placed in right position. We are happy that we won but after so much damage and drama. Some relations were redefined and some were broken. Due to groups formation, best candidates are always left behind.
I am finally glad that our friend who deserved the most, won.

experiences of scoldings

I was scolded today by one of my professor for not reading properly and then asking questions. Yesterday also, one senior professor got angry on our group (not me particularly) for not doing work properly.Seldom, I have been rebuked. I remember, in the days of my childhood, I was rebuked by my Mamaji (uncle) when I stole some rupees from the shop for reason I do not remember clearly, probably for ice cream or chocolate. I started to sobbing heavily. I did not cry but was weeping from inside. When my Naniji realised this, she scolded Mamaji not to rebuke me and showed heavy affection to me. Then, I started to cry severely. This is one of my characteristic that when someone shows empathy to me, I start to cry, probably because I,often, hide my feelings and do not show to others unless they force me to do so. But, inside, by remembering that incident again and again, I give pain to myself. I cry when someone starts to love me as there was no one on this planet to love this human being. Wherever I went, I was always considered thoughtful and mature person, so I always had pleasure of getting affection from family, relatives and friends. But when sometime, someone hurts me then I feel like I am being tortured deeply and unable to sustain pressure of my emotions.

After coming here at IIT and its hostel life, I started to learn little about controlling my emotions. But at several points of time, I was hurt by someone unknowingly or knowingly. I always aspire not respect, but good understanding and cooperation from others. But as I have lived most of my life taking decisions myself without protection of family or friends, I had practiced sufficiently enough to walk alone and do my work. I consider that as one of my significant achievement and I am getting used to it. But still, I always hope that someday we all shall understand each other better and live meaningful life.

My professors are right for every word they said and their scolding is what brings me to right direction. But I dream that one day teacher would sit with us and make realize us our mistakes by showing love and affection not by rules and regulations.

CSL assignment

This 2nd data structure assignment has exploited me as no one before did. I have been trying this for more than 2 weeks but could not got through.I started to loose my temper and sometime became aggressive and frustrated. This was very tough time for me as it over examined my patience. Today, finally I did one part of it so lots of relief today.

But I like doing programming as long as it is not so much frustrating. I have started to take interest in economics and hence, I am trying to figure out what it is.

Studies

I now feel doing studies less interesting as methodology here do not motivate me to apply the knowledge to real life problem solving. Course designers have made their full effort to make us squeeze in the assignments, reports, surprise quizzes, presentations, projects apart from of course, 2 minors and 1 major. But due to flexibility given in the rules thanks to most of the professors, scope of fraud, copy, thanks to brilliant skills of students, opportunity of getting "good enough" marks by rote learning thanks to poor evaluation by almost all the professors (at least in our department), we end up getting B- or B easily by putting a grand total of 3 days effort before exams, taking pain to copy reports and assignments and arranging proxies to complete attendance.

Story is same in personal projects under professors, SURA, Mini P, BTP. Summer Internship is the only project which has some potential to really make us devoted to some "useful" work in which also, people easily find loopholes. So, in the end, most of us spend good amount of time in making our CV look better by trying different innovations. And then, here we are ,obliged to join CL or Time or IMS in search for another heaven. Today's top stories about salary packages given to lucky few are successful enough to make us feel regretful for having placed for 35000 per month (do not think it is in dollar!).

This sad day

Today was one of the most sad days of my life. I was refused again for an internship. I have been shortlisted for five companies but finally selected in none. I feel like my capabilities have become zero or I was thinking too high for me. At this stage, I feel like I have no clear aim of what I want to achieve. I just wanted to make big. That was my habit.

This is too gloomy situation for me to face. I have felt at several point of times that I am making fool of myself and I was learning nothing but just aspiring to make my CV look good. I realized this while doing baja project(several times), mini P evaluation by Prof. PMV Rao, copying reports and assignments, rote learning for exams and many others.

I am feeling too low for me as if I can do nothing. Of course, I know that I should recover and go on and never repeat previous mistakes. But then, I do not know how?

tell me about yourself

I am Manoj doing my B.Tech in Mechanical Engg. from IIT Delhi. I belong to Jaipur, Rajasthan and have studied till class 12th from Rajasthan Board of Secondary Education in Hindi as medium. My interest areas include mathematics, philosophy and creative writing. My career goals are to utilize my knowledge to add value for the company I work in and society as a whole.
My strengths:
deep and dynamic thinking
like to mix-up with people
like to take challenges
hard working and disciplined

My weaknesses:
less expressive power, need to work on that
negligence about personality

life in a hostel

I think that everyone should leave for some years in the hostel away from family and relatives. Hostel life makes us a mature individual ready to face the world. Here, we are more close to ourselves and more free to do things and take decisions on our own. Of course, there are some good people and some bad people. We, alone, start to change ourselves for different situations. There are chances of replicate bad habits from friends but, then, this will be the test of our mental strength and determination.

Before I came to hostel life, I was very reserved, disciplined person. But in hostels, there are so much chances of distracting your focus and diluting your discipline. My mind has different attitudes over different times with different people. I sometime perform well and appreciate myself. But, often, I get frustrated with myself and others. Then, I teach myself, I recover from bad attitude. I make mistakes and realizes them. I treat someone differently at different point of time depending on my mood. My mood changes with every instant of time. At one time, I want to work a lot with max efficiency, suddenly I am compelled to watch a movie or any video or just browsing through the internet. Sometime, I want to play something and do not find anyone or anything to play, then suddenly I realize that I should visit places and appreciate beauty of world. Sometimes, I cry for not being treated the way, I think, I should have treated to. Sometime, I think that I can do anything I want and get everything in this world(After seeing some movie or reading a book or article) . Then, suddenly, I am brought to ground by some scolding by professor, friends or by my own inabilities. Sometimes, I find that I am not treating my family that way I should have to or I am drifting away from what my family expects. Sometimes, I introspect and try to find an ideal way of living life, but after sometime, I forget everything and worry about the work left on the shoulders of my poor body.

But one thing I find most common- a desire to complete my work with max efficiency. But then, I do not like the work given to me, so I search for some another work.

This is the process of my typical life in the hostel. But this makes me more closer to myself.

Untouched

I find myself pretending to be someone else whose impression is very deep on me. I think that I am uncommon and can make a difference. But when I realize that my thinking has taken shape that is influenced by these worldly forces, procedures, habits , I find myself very amazed. I begin to internalize myself and realize my real motives. I begin to see the pictures of people around me and can see that who gives me happiness or sorrow. I start to see my inactions towards my beloved ones.
It happened several times to me. When I watched movies like Veer-Zara, The Ultimate Gift, A walk to remember, If only, Taare Zameen Par, Titanic, Gandhi-my father, Life in a Metro, Chak De India- all these movies shocked my nerves and soul at different extent at different context. When I read books like My experiments with Truth, Wings of Fire, The Alchemist, Animal Farm- they left me with some message about way of living life. But these effects always remain for very short time and I again start to think and live in same manner. That means that there is cover lying upon my soul and stops me to be myself.
I want to end it by saying that there is a portion of our heart still untouched and unseen.

my things

10 things I like/would like to do most !

(1) Music listening and singing
(2) Movie watching
(3) Visit places
(4) reading my favorite novels
(5) eating my favorite things like chocolates, ice-cream, sweets and anything when hungry.
(6) talking to best friends
(7) sleep
(8) Dance in group ( no danger of being identified)
(9) playing cricket or football in garage or roof ( that is only what i have done till now)
(10) helping unprivileged

10 things I dislike doing most !

(1) to work when not in mood to work
(2) doing thing of which I do not see any use (utilitarian approach, uh!)
(3) to hurt anyone
(4) To borrow money from others
(5) feeling that I am not doing my best or doing something wrong
(6) being fall in the eyes of girls (especially)
(7) doing shopping ( I feel very much disheartened when I buy crap or pay more money)
(8) not find a work when in mood to work
(9) company of people whom I dislike
(10) watching India losing in cricket



Things I want to do before I die

(1) write a book
(2) being married (an important thing)
(3) to find someone who understands me
(4) build a company whose motive remains to help unpriviledged
(5) leave behind a reason for people to remember me
(6) earn a lot lots of money and fulfill dreams of my family
(7) become a person who can control his mind and soul
(8) giving a stage dance performance
(9) sing some beautiful songs on stage with playing guitar/piano
(10) to be able to be loved by someone