I realise every day that so many bad things have made their home to my mind, heart and body since I came to this holy place called IITD. I face them every moment at some way or the other. When I look back, I see clearly myself as a very dedicating, never tiring person always wanting to help others. All these characteristics, I consider, were priceless diamonds given to me by parents, friends and God. But I regret to watch these specialities disappering from me. The hostile environment of friend circle and globalisation effect have reduced me to a person aspiring of doing "Big" works by short cuts and wanting the maximum credit even without doing work. My thinking sphere has shrinkened itself only seeking bad things about others and maligning them and unhealthy competition, selfishness, lustful thoughts and all others.
I consider the reasons behind all this is the lack of self-teaching so others changed me according to their nature and I could not understand what was I doing. Externally, I was unable to get a person with me who can motivate and guide me. So
my heart stopped working. So I find myself in a very complex situation when I could not understand basic and simple principles of life. I was destined to work in a worst team that could be possible here unfortunately or fortunately. So I started to become worse and worse. But still I hope that whatever God does is for nothing but for the good of man. If I think positively, then this environment stimulates the real world environment that I am going to get while working in Industry. So I become able to excel in this environment, then I can survive anywhere.

some quotes

How heavy is the toll of sins and wrongs that wealth, power and prestige exact from man!
Things heard of from distance appear bigger than they are.
How men can feel them honoured by the humiliation of their fellow-beings.
The heart's earnest and pure desire is always fulfilled

Ponders on objects of the sense, there springs
Attraction; from attraction grows desire,
Desire flams to fierce passion, passion breeds
Recklessness; then the memory- all betrayed-
Lets noble purpose go, and sops the mind
Till purpose, mind, and man are all Undone.

Own PATH

I walk lonely
in the sunlight thinking
what is purpose of me
where am I heading to
what makes me happy
I got nothing answered
I was hungry for success
in today's overcrowded
hyprocratic, complex world
influenced by every other one
I was reflection of others
seemed to losing own existence
morale, values and maxims
so tired, frustrated with no energy
to conquer the world that is
perfect in itself, no need to be conquered
I remember the lines then
" Finally, that is better, that one do
His own task as he may, even though he fail,
Than take tasks not his own, though they seem good.
To die performing duty is no ill;
But who seeks other roads shall wander still."