I am caught in a trap.When I watch a great movie, read great novel or listen great people, then something motivate me to change myself and my work. It appear at the time that I leave everything and search for my interest. But after spending some time on introspection, I realise that there are so complex thing that I can not understand. For the time being, whatever I am doing, I should continue with that. Any compromise would happen sometime that would be best suitable for me. So I leave myself as it is. From my past little experience, I have learnt this much that we must find what we love to do and we should not compromise on that. Everything else is secondary.
But,unfortunately, I am still discovering what I love to do. My thoughts till now have been mostly influenced by others, not myself. My all decisions, giving exams of IIT, select Mechanical Engg, doing work in Baja and many more have been decided by others. The selection of courses is the one thing that I do myself with my knowledge. That gives me immense satisfaction when my choice happens to be the best. I am confident enough that I would be successful once I take one field that I want to work in.
Now for the future, whether to give GRE, GMAT, CAT or just take directly job, I am confused. Things are not clear to me. But one thing that I realise from my heart is that I want to do something big, gain respect from others, change some lives and in a way my life also.I know that this might not sound indifferent to you but this is what I am able to get till now. And I think it represents something , my fate will take me to. My motive is to make life comfortable for my family and show loyalty to my relatives who are making my career and have been helping my family without any thought of return. But I do not want to spend my life living for myself. I want to make some difference and make people to remember me after death.
I came to know about death as an intellectual concept in previous years by Steve Jobs, Prof. P.L.Dhar and some reading. If we always remember that some day we are going to die, we start to live life dfferently. That day can come any time. We should be thankful to God to give us whatever time we have and we should not waste this previous time by living someone's life. but this requires courage for which I am looking here and there.
