Studies

I now feel doing studies less interesting as methodology here do not motivate me to apply the knowledge to real life problem solving. Course designers have made their full effort to make us squeeze in the assignments, reports, surprise quizzes, presentations, projects apart from of course, 2 minors and 1 major. But due to flexibility given in the rules thanks to most of the professors, scope of fraud, copy, thanks to brilliant skills of students, opportunity of getting "good enough" marks by rote learning thanks to poor evaluation by almost all the professors (at least in our department), we end up getting B- or B easily by putting a grand total of 3 days effort before exams, taking pain to copy reports and assignments and arranging proxies to complete attendance.

Story is same in personal projects under professors, SURA, Mini P, BTP. Summer Internship is the only project which has some potential to really make us devoted to some "useful" work in which also, people easily find loopholes. So, in the end, most of us spend good amount of time in making our CV look better by trying different innovations. And then, here we are ,obliged to join CL or Time or IMS in search for another heaven. Today's top stories about salary packages given to lucky few are successful enough to make us feel regretful for having placed for 35000 per month (do not think it is in dollar!).

This sad day

Today was one of the most sad days of my life. I was refused again for an internship. I have been shortlisted for five companies but finally selected in none. I feel like my capabilities have become zero or I was thinking too high for me. At this stage, I feel like I have no clear aim of what I want to achieve. I just wanted to make big. That was my habit.

This is too gloomy situation for me to face. I have felt at several point of times that I am making fool of myself and I was learning nothing but just aspiring to make my CV look good. I realized this while doing baja project(several times), mini P evaluation by Prof. PMV Rao, copying reports and assignments, rote learning for exams and many others.

I am feeling too low for me as if I can do nothing. Of course, I know that I should recover and go on and never repeat previous mistakes. But then, I do not know how?

tell me about yourself

I am Manoj doing my B.Tech in Mechanical Engg. from IIT Delhi. I belong to Jaipur, Rajasthan and have studied till class 12th from Rajasthan Board of Secondary Education in Hindi as medium. My interest areas include mathematics, philosophy and creative writing. My career goals are to utilize my knowledge to add value for the company I work in and society as a whole.
My strengths:
deep and dynamic thinking
like to mix-up with people
like to take challenges
hard working and disciplined

My weaknesses:
less expressive power, need to work on that
negligence about personality

life in a hostel

I think that everyone should leave for some years in the hostel away from family and relatives. Hostel life makes us a mature individual ready to face the world. Here, we are more close to ourselves and more free to do things and take decisions on our own. Of course, there are some good people and some bad people. We, alone, start to change ourselves for different situations. There are chances of replicate bad habits from friends but, then, this will be the test of our mental strength and determination.

Before I came to hostel life, I was very reserved, disciplined person. But in hostels, there are so much chances of distracting your focus and diluting your discipline. My mind has different attitudes over different times with different people. I sometime perform well and appreciate myself. But, often, I get frustrated with myself and others. Then, I teach myself, I recover from bad attitude. I make mistakes and realizes them. I treat someone differently at different point of time depending on my mood. My mood changes with every instant of time. At one time, I want to work a lot with max efficiency, suddenly I am compelled to watch a movie or any video or just browsing through the internet. Sometime, I want to play something and do not find anyone or anything to play, then suddenly I realize that I should visit places and appreciate beauty of world. Sometimes, I cry for not being treated the way, I think, I should have treated to. Sometime, I think that I can do anything I want and get everything in this world(After seeing some movie or reading a book or article) . Then, suddenly, I am brought to ground by some scolding by professor, friends or by my own inabilities. Sometimes, I find that I am not treating my family that way I should have to or I am drifting away from what my family expects. Sometimes, I introspect and try to find an ideal way of living life, but after sometime, I forget everything and worry about the work left on the shoulders of my poor body.

But one thing I find most common- a desire to complete my work with max efficiency. But then, I do not like the work given to me, so I search for some another work.

This is the process of my typical life in the hostel. But this makes me more closer to myself.

Untouched

I find myself pretending to be someone else whose impression is very deep on me. I think that I am uncommon and can make a difference. But when I realize that my thinking has taken shape that is influenced by these worldly forces, procedures, habits , I find myself very amazed. I begin to internalize myself and realize my real motives. I begin to see the pictures of people around me and can see that who gives me happiness or sorrow. I start to see my inactions towards my beloved ones.
It happened several times to me. When I watched movies like Veer-Zara, The Ultimate Gift, A walk to remember, If only, Taare Zameen Par, Titanic, Gandhi-my father, Life in a Metro, Chak De India- all these movies shocked my nerves and soul at different extent at different context. When I read books like My experiments with Truth, Wings of Fire, The Alchemist, Animal Farm- they left me with some message about way of living life. But these effects always remain for very short time and I again start to think and live in same manner. That means that there is cover lying upon my soul and stops me to be myself.
I want to end it by saying that there is a portion of our heart still untouched and unseen.