experiences of scoldings

I was scolded today by one of my professor for not reading properly and then asking questions. Yesterday also, one senior professor got angry on our group (not me particularly) for not doing work properly.Seldom, I have been rebuked. I remember, in the days of my childhood, I was rebuked by my Mamaji (uncle) when I stole some rupees from the shop for reason I do not remember clearly, probably for ice cream or chocolate. I started to sobbing heavily. I did not cry but was weeping from inside. When my Naniji realised this, she scolded Mamaji not to rebuke me and showed heavy affection to me. Then, I started to cry severely. This is one of my characteristic that when someone shows empathy to me, I start to cry, probably because I,often, hide my feelings and do not show to others unless they force me to do so. But, inside, by remembering that incident again and again, I give pain to myself. I cry when someone starts to love me as there was no one on this planet to love this human being. Wherever I went, I was always considered thoughtful and mature person, so I always had pleasure of getting affection from family, relatives and friends. But when sometime, someone hurts me then I feel like I am being tortured deeply and unable to sustain pressure of my emotions.

After coming here at IIT and its hostel life, I started to learn little about controlling my emotions. But at several points of time, I was hurt by someone unknowingly or knowingly. I always aspire not respect, but good understanding and cooperation from others. But as I have lived most of my life taking decisions myself without protection of family or friends, I had practiced sufficiently enough to walk alone and do my work. I consider that as one of my significant achievement and I am getting used to it. But still, I always hope that someday we all shall understand each other better and live meaningful life.

My professors are right for every word they said and their scolding is what brings me to right direction. But I dream that one day teacher would sit with us and make realize us our mistakes by showing love and affection not by rules and regulations.